New Girl!
by adventurous-wonderland
Summary: When his roommate kicks him out, Minato turns to his old teacher, Jiraiya, for help. As luck would have it, Jiraiya's girlfriend, Tsunade, has a cousin with an extra room. And so Minato moves in with Uzumaki Kushina, Yamanaka Inoichi, and Nara Shikaku. Total crack-fic. Or, the one in which Minato adjusts to life with three roommates and a demon-cat. New Girl AU!
1. Pilot

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or New Girl

Hope you enjoy :)

* * *

In hindsight, Minato should have known better than to trust Jiraiya. But he'd been in desperate need of a place to stay, and Jiraiya had promised him a room well within his price range. Still, Minato _really_ should have known better. If he had, then he wouldn't be sitting across from three of the strangest people he'd ever met.

He knew Nara Shikaku and Yamanaka Inoichi, of course. They had all gone to school together – which was something Minato tried to forget; he wasn't exactly well-liked in high school – but the pretty redhead, Tsunade's cousin, was someone Minato had never seen before. The girl wasn't his immediate concern, though: both Shikaku and Inoichi – mostly Inoichi – were staring at Minato like he was gum on the bottom of their shoes. The girl looked from Shikaku and Inoichi, confused. "Kushina," Inoichi said at last, addressing the redhead, "this is Namikaze Minato. Minato, this is Uzushio's Uzumaki Kushina"

"It's nice to meet you, Kushina-san," Minato said, smiling hesitantly.

Kushina just blinked at him, squinting a little. "Aren't you a little girly to be Jiraiya-nii's student?" she asked at last. Shikaku heaved a long-suffering sigh. Inoichi, much to Minato's displeasure, burst out laughing. Kushina blushed, and then blinked, as though unsure of what she had done wrong. "I didn't mean it in a bad way," she said quickly. "It's just that Jiraiya-nii usually doesn't like girly boys, dattebane."

There was an uncomfortable silence during which Inoichi and Shikaku tried not to laugh and Minato turned bright red. Finally, Shikaku cleared his throat. "So... Does anyone have a problem with Minato moving in? No?" He nodded to himself, then pushed a pile of papers over to Minato. "Sign after you read it through. Inoichi, house rules?"

"Right!" Inoichi smiled, and Minato's heart sank. Dear god. Nothing out of Inoichi's mouth ever made sense. Or was worth listening to. "So, rule number one: Don't bother Kushina when she's working. She'll get pissed off, and that's never as fun as it sounds." Inoichi winked; Minato grimaced. "Two: Don't mess with my stuff in the bathroom. I have sculpting chutney; I have three types of gel. They're mine. Don't even look." Shikaku rolled his eyes at this, and Inoichi continued. "Three: Do not, under _any_ circumstances, go into my room when I have a girl over. You might actually want to invest in some earplugs, because it can get pretty loud when –"

"That's it," Kushina interrupted. "Jar. Right now."

Inoichi looked crushed. "What? But I was just…" The blonde looked to Shikaku for help.

Shikaku didn't look up from his phone. "Six-hundred yen at least, don't you think, Kushina?" Kushina hummed in agreement, and Inoichi stood, sulking. He stormed to his room, pausing on the way to stuff some bills into a jar on the table.

Once Inoichi had slammed his bedroom door shut, Kushina leaned forward. "That's the douchebag jar," she explained. "Whenever Inoichi does something super douche-y or annoying, he has to put money in the jar." She tapped her cheek, thinking. "I don't actually know what we'll do when the jar is full. Maybe we could all go to Ichiraku for ramen, dattebane?" She fell silent, lost in thought.

Shikaku grunted and sat up straight. "Sorry about Inoichi," he said to Minato. "If you'd still like to move in, the room is yours." He stood, stretching. "I've got to get to work, but you can stay." He walked to the door and let himself out. Kushina absentmindedly murmured a goodbye as the door opened.

Minato wasn't sure what to do. Kushina still seemed out of it, her eyes glazing over as she stared blankly at the table. Inoichi was surprisingly quiet. But beyond the immediate, Minato was conflicted about taking the room. On the one hand, he was in desperate need of a place to stay. On the other… Inoichi. Minato frowned. "That's it!" Kushina exclaimed, causing Minato to jump. She scrambled for a pen, writing sloppily a discarded notebook when she found one. "The enemy shinobi can be a double agent!"

"Er," Minato said, blinking at Kushina. She looked up at him, surprised, as though she hadn't known he was still in the room.

"Sorry," she apologized, cheeks coloring. "I'm Jiraiya's editor, and there was a bit of a plot hole in his latest draft of Icha Icha, dattebane…"

"Well," Minato said, collecting himself, "I'm glad you've figured it out, then." He read through the contract carefully as Kushina grabbed her laptop and began typing away, and signed before thinking through it all again. Still, as he left the apartment – with Kushina distractedly waving goodbye and Inoichi peeking out of his room to do the same – Minato wondered if he'd made the right decision. As he waited for the elevator, he heard a crash in apartment 4B, followed by Inoichi's muffled shouting. Minato thought he heard the words "cat" and "devil," but shrugged and ignored it. At least life wouldn't be dull.

* * *

The first week of life in Apartment 4B was… interesting. Shikaku was incredibly lazy, Inoichi had a girl over every night – and Minato was beginning to think he should have listened to Inoichi and invested in earplugs – and Kushina, apparently, had a cat.

It wasn't that Minato didn't like cats – they were fine, he liked them well enough, and it had never been an issue. But Kushina's cat was different. His name was Kurama and he was undoubtedly from hell. Or worse.

Minato's first run-in with Kurama was three days after he moved in. He'd just come home from work, and was sitting beside Shikaku watching some ridiculous detective show, when the furry, orange cat slunk out of Kushina's room. "Hey there," Minato said in his little-kids-and-animals voice. "Here kitty, kitty."

"I wouldn't do that," Shikaku cautioned.

Ignoring him, Minato scooped up the cat. And promptly dropped it, swearing. Shikaku produced two Band-Aids from his pocket and held them out without looking away from the television. Mumbling his thanks, Minato covered the bleeding scratches on his hand. "What's wrong with the cat?" he asked Shikaku, trying to ignore the stinging in his palms.

"Oh, you've met Kurama?" Inoichi flopped down beside Minato. "He's Kushina's cat; don't say anything bad about him unless you want her to flip out. She thinks he's a 'perfect angel, dattebane!'" Inoichi's impression of Kushina wasn't actually far off; Minato wondered if he practiced in his spare time. He wouldn't put it past Inoichi.

In the four days since, Minato had been careful to avoid any interaction with Kurama. It seemed a little silly, to be hiding from a cat, and his students would undoubtedly tease him about it if they knew, but… That cat was from _hell_. So when Kushina flopped down on the couch beside him on Friday, Kurama perched in her lap, Minato – _understandably_ – flinched away. "K-Kushina," he stammered. "You – cat – um… why?"

"What, Kurama?" Kushina blinked up at Minato, confused. "He's cute, right?" And then – as if it wasn't bad enough to have that damned cat sitting right beside him – Kushina held Kurama up to Minato's face, smiling as though nothing was wrong. Minato squeaked (in a very manly way, mind you; Minato wasn't a girly boy, no matter what Kushina said), and flinched away. Oblivious, Kushina pulled her stupid cat close and rubbed her nose against Kurama's. "Who's the cutest kitty?" Kurama mewled pitifully.

"Hey, Minato?"

He looked over at Kushina. "Yeah?"

"Can you watch Kurama for while? He's been sick lately, and I'm not supposed to leave him alone, but Jiraiya-nii needs my notes from this chapter, and he refuses to use his email so I have to bring them to him in person, and thanks, Mina-chan, you're the best!"

Before Minato was really aware of what was happening, Kushina had dropped the now-hissing Kurama into his lap and was out the door. Minato stared at the cat. The cat stared back, digging his claws into Minato's lap and effectively staining his new pants with blood.

Well, shit.

* * *

AN: Finally! I've had this chapter mostly written for at least a month, but I finally added the ending. I have no idea where this story is going - it's based on the show New Girl, but the plot won't match the show at all. Some lines are taken directly from the show (mostly Schmitt's lines, because he is literal perfection). I don't have an update schedule, but hopefully the next chapter will be up soon. Reviews are appreciated! Imaginary cookies to anyone who can guess who Minato, Kushina, Shikaku, and Inoichi's New Girl counterparts are!


	2. Inoichi Ruins Breakfast

Kushina was gone for an agonizing three hours. During those three hours, Kurama hissed and clawed and bit; despite the cat's obvious hatred of Minato, he stayed perched on Minato's lap. As soon as the door opened, Kurama hopped off Minato's lap, stretched – inconspicuously wiping the blood off his claws – and wound around Kushina's feet as she walked in. Kushina had greeted Minato ("Hey, Mina-chan!"), and then she had lifted Kurama and – once again – sat beside Minato, smiling innocently at him, as if she hadn't just forced him to spend three hours with the Cat From Hell.

Minato really needed to rethink his life decisions.

* * *

When Minato walked into the kitchen the next morning, fumbling with his tie and cursing his inability to sleep, he wasn't expecting to see all three of his roommates sitting around the kitchen table. Although he knew that Inoichi had a job, it was still surprising to see the blond up before noon. And… "Shikaku, you're working the morning shift?"

Shikaku shook his head, blinking tiredly. "Kushina needs help with 'research.'" They both looked at the redhead. She was dancing around the kitchen, completely oblivious to the rest of them. Kurama sat on the counter beside her – that _had_ to be a health code violation.

"My God." Inoichi's jaw dropped. "Is she making salmon for her _beast_?"

"That's nothing new," Shikaku sighed. "Hey, Inoichi, how's your yoghurt thing?"

"It's a parfait." Inoichi glared at Shikaku.

Before Shikaku could respond – although Minato wasn't sure if Shikaku could actually be bothered to reply to Inoichi – Kushina landed in the seat next to Minato, setting Kurama's plate on the table beside her. "Jar, Inoichi. Who makes a parfait for breakfast?" She rolled her eyes and smiled at Minato. "Thanks again for watching Kurama, Mina-chan!"

There was an awkward silence in which none of the men said anything, unwilling to admit that Kurama was a literal demon and that Minato hadn't so much watched Kurama as been tortured by him. "Kushina," Shikaku said after a moment. "The bacon is burning."

"Oh!" Kushina darted to the stove, cursing under her breath.

"So, Kushina makes you all breakfast?" Minato asked in a low voice.

"Shut up!" Inoichi hissed. "What if she hears you?"

"She's not going to hear," Shikaku interjected. "And even if she heard, what would she do?" The Nara smirked faintly. "Hit you with a frying pan again?"

"The cat is here, what if it tells her?"

"Inoichi, you do know that cats can't talk, right?" Minato frowned at the Yamanaka.

"Of course I do, I'm not an idiot!" Inoichi snapped. Shikaku raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to say something scathing.

The arrival of Kushina – and breakfast, lots and lots of breakfast – saved Minato from being caught in the middle of their fight. "I saved the food, dattebane!" she crowed, gently nudging Kurama away. Her cat leapt of the table and padded down the hall. Minato hoped he had shut his door.

"No coffee?" Shikaku sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Kushina, you woke me up at four this morning, the least you could do is make some coffee…"

"I did make you coffee, earlier." Kushina blinked at Shikaku. She leveled her fork at him threateningly. "And if you're implying that it's my 'responsibility' to make you coffee because I'm a _girl_ , then I will punch you into next week, dattebane!"

Inoichi leaned across the table to Minato. In a stage-whisper, he said, "Kushina used to be known as the Red-Hot Habanero. She was a total gangster in high school."

"Thank you for the food, Kushina," Minato said politely, ignoring Inoichi and the twin glares Shikaku and Kushina were sending the blond. He scooped some eggs onto his plate and grabbed a few pieces of bacon. Kushina swiped a piece of bacon off his plate and smirked at his dumbfounded expression.

"Whatcha up to today, Mina-chan?" Kushina smiled at him, and Minato almost forgot that she was the reason he was covered in cat scratches. Almost.

"Teaching," he said in between bites. "I actually have to leave pretty soon," he added, glancing at his watch. "And you?"

"Research, dattebane!" Kushina chirped, smiling happily. "Shikaku's gonna help me act out some scenes for the story I'm editing! I need to make sure some stuff works."

Minato's heart stopped. "Aren't… Aren't you Jiraiya-sensei's editor?"

"Mm," Kushina nodded, still smiling. She stole another piece of bacon.

Inoichi looked up, arching a brow. "Doesn't Jirayai-san write porn?" At this, Shikaku looked up, half a piece of bacon hanging out of his mouth and an alarmed expression on his face.

"Well, he writes 'tastefully erotic' romance novels," Kushina mused. "I guess there _is_ a fair bit of nudity, but that's to be expected when you're writing about adults!"

"That sounds true," Inoichi said, nodding sagely. "There's _loads_ of nudity in my life! I'm having sex every night!"

"Jar," Shikaku said, shooting a glare at his roommate. "And Kushina, you can't actually think that the amount of sex in Jiraiya's book is normal. How much sex do _you_ have?"

To everyone's surprise, Kushina flushed red. "None of your business! How is that – That's not a normal thing to ask, dattebane! I – I – I get mine! That's all you need to know!" She stood, her chair making a hideous screeching noise, and stomped to her room, slamming the door shut behind her.

"Well," Inoichi said, standing. "As entertaining as that was, I have a meeting to get to." He walked to the front door, dropping a wad of bills into the Douchebag Jar as he went. "This is your problem, Shikaku! If she stays in her room for too long, Kurama will tear up the couch."

Minato looked from Shikaku to Inoichi. He stood, sighing and glancing guiltily in the direction Kushina had gone. "I should get going, too," he told Shikaku. "I'll see you later." He followed Inoichi out, ignoring the blond's irritating (and inappropriate, seriously, could Inoichi hear himself? It wasn't normal to talk about sex so much, kamisama help him) attempts at conversation. He hoped Shikaku calmed Kushina down before that hell-cat Kurama tore the apartment apart. Or before Kushina did it herself.

* * *

AN: Thanks to everyone who reviewed/followed/favorited! I have no idea where this story is going, so if you have any ideas or requests for what you want to happen, let me know~ Hope you liked it, thanks for reading!

Guest: I think that Kurama is cute, too! But he and Minato aren't going to get along too well; Kurama's jealous of anyone else Kushina likes ;)

Co0kieJustsu: Thanks! I hope it turns out well, but I have no idea where this is going lol

FlowOfEna: Thanks for reviewing!


	3. Virginistas

Slowly, Minato adjusted to life in the apartment. Living with a woman took some getting used to, even if Kushina wasn't…traditionally feminine. Inoichi hadn't been lying when he told Minato that Kushina had been the "Red-Hot Habanero" of her high school. Despite her peculiar habit of acting out scenes while editing – scenes from _Jiraiya's book_ , which involved a lot of straddling and being slammed against walls, and _kami how did Shikaku do it?_ – Kushina was actually a nice roommate. She and Minato got along well enough, and if Minato was being honest with himself, she was… gorgeous. Not that he spent a lot of time admiring her; Kushina had a vicious right hook and he wasn't anxious to feel it again. Most days, he and Kushina got along.

Unfortunately, today was not one of those days.

It wasn't that they weren't getting along; the day had started off as usual, with Minato saying goodbye to Kushina and leaving with Inoichi before sunrise (Shikaku had worked the night shift at the hospital and slept in late). When Minato got home – later than usual; Sarutobi-sensei had asked him to oversee detention, and to Minato's surprise and disappointment, both Obito _and_ Kakashi had been there – he just happened to overhear a conversation that was best left unheard.

"Hear me out!" Kushina said. "What if Minato gets into an accident? What if he's horribly disfigured, and I have to identify him, and all that remains are his private parts? And I'm standing there and I'm saying, 'Sorry officer, I can't help you because no, I haven't seen his penis.' And then boom, he's buried in an unmarked grave."

Minato choked. Shikaku raised an eyebrow at him; Inoichi and Kushina, absorbed in their conversation, hadn't noticed his entrance. "I'm just saying, Shina, it doesn't seem that realistic. You don't have enough experience with men to identify him based on that. Plus, your virgin eyes can't handle seeing _that_." Inoichi smirked.

"Virgin?" Kushina scoffed. "You of all people should know that I'm not a virgin, Inoichi!"

Minato collapsed on the couch beside Shikaku. "What the hell?" he asked, incredulous. "What. The. Hell."

Shikaku looked more amused than anything else. "Are you confused about Kushina wanting to see your manhood, or Kushina dating Inoichi?"

"Both," Minato admitted. "But I'm more worried about the former."

"Inoichi let slip that we all went to high school together. He was telling locker room stories. I'm sure she'll forget all about it in a few days."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Minato asked, frowning at the brunet. Shikaku shrugged and closed his eyes.

"Oh, Mina-chan, you're home!" Kushina leapt onto the couch, landing beside Minato and smiling at him. Inoichi heaved a long-suffering sigh and sat by Shikaku. "I've been meaning to ask," Kushina continued, oblivious to Minato's discomfort, "but what grade do you teach?"

"Grade six," Minato said, looking away from the energetic redhead.

"So it is you!" Kushina was practically bouncing with excitement. "You're Obito's sensei!"

All three men looked at Kushina, confused for three very different reasons. Inoichi was the first to speak. "How the hell do you know a sixth grader?" He scowled, inexplicably jealous. So not only was Kushina living with her ex-boyfriend, said man was jealous of… a sixth grader.

"Uchiha Obito?" Shikaku asked, blinking slowly. Kushina nodded quickly.

"How do you know Obito-kun?" Minato said at last.

"Well he's Fugaku's nephew," she said, as though that explained everything. Seeing Minato's questioning glance, she elaborated. "Mikoto was my roommate, before they got married, and sometimes Fugaku would bring Obito over." For some reason, Kushina seemed very proud of knowing Obito. Minato would have to ask his student about that. "Does he still have a crush on that girl?" Kushina pressed against Minato's arm insistently, looking up at him imploringly. "And what about his rival? Bakashi, or something?"

"You mean Kakashi?" Minato's voice shot up an octave. "Hatake Kakashi?"

"He's the grumpy one with grey hair, right?" Kushina tapped her chin and narrowed her eyes. "I could've sworn Obito said his name was Bakashi, though."

"Kushina," Inoichi interrupted, distress written on his face. "What parent in their right mind would name their son 'Bakashi?' You didn't honestly believe that, did you?"

Kushina huffed and stood, scowling at Inoichi. "Whatever, _baka_. Anyways, Mina-chan, this is great! Fugaku said that Obito had a blond sensei named Namikaze-san, and I asked if he was girly-looking 'cause I figured it would be you!" She grinned. "It's almost like fate, right?" She dashed out of the room as Minato flushed and spluttered and tried to tell himself that Kushina hadn't meant _that kind of fate_ , she probably just meant that it was coincidental, or –

Who was he kidding? Minato had only known the girl for three weeks, and he was already half in love with her. Fate indeed.

* * *

The rest of the week was unbearable.

If there was one thing Minato couldn't stand, it was students passing notes. Now, he found himself passing notes for Kushina and Obito. True, Kushina wasn't his student, and wasn't physically in the classroom with them, but still. The worst part? It was completely willing. Minato could have refused to pass Kushina's notes along to Obito. He could have also refused to give Obito's replies to Kushina. But he didn't. Which is how he found himself handing a folded up piece of paper to Kushina as he sat beside her on the couch after school.

Kushina unfolded the note, violet eyes lighting up as she read it. She laughed, and Minato found himself watching the way the sunlight filtering through the window caught in her hair. "Obito must be a handful, Mina-chan," she said at last, looking up at him. "He says he got into another fight with Kakashi-san today. And something about a psycho girl named Anko?"

"Anko's alright," Minato defended. "She spends a lot of time with Orochimaru-sensei, but she's alright." If only he could think of a way to keep Orochimaru away from _all_ of the children. Sure, he was an old student of Sarutobi-sensei, but he was creepy! What kind of grown man wore purple eyeshadow and spent time alone with female students? "And Obito fights with Kakashi every day." He smiled fondly. "They're best friends."

Kushina's eyes went comically wide. "Best friends? But they fight so much!"

"They haven't admitted it yet, but they're best friends." Minato winked at Kushina, smiling. "Actually, they might be coming over tomorrow to work on a project for the school festival."

"No! NO!" Inoichi burst out of his room and half-fell onto the floor in front of the couch.

"Were you waiting by your door for Mina-chan to say something so that you could come out here and talk to us?" Kushina said, blinking. She smirked at Inoichi.

"No," Inoichi lied. "Anyways, what is this about bringing _children_ into our _home_?"

"My home," Kushina corrected. "My apartment, you guys just live here. And Mina-chan can bring Obito over if he wants, it'll be fun~" Inoichi (reluctantly) fell silent. Minato smiled at Kushina gratefully.

* * *

Looking back, Minato really should have let Shikaku know that three sixth graders would be coming over after school. But he hadn't expected Shikaku to be making out with a leggy brunette – really, of his three roommates, Shikaku was the least likely to be caught in a compromising position. Still, there was no denying that that was exactly what was happening. Minato dropped his bag, shocked. His hand instinctively raised to cover Rin's eyes. Obito, not the most mature of Minato's students, burst into surprised laughter. Kakashi simply closed his eyes.

Great. His poor students… What was Namikaze Minato, sensei extraordinaire, going to do to fix this one?

* * *

AN: Hope you liked it~ The end was a little rushed, but I'm trying to keep chapters short. Consider this a two-part "episode," with Chapter 4 next week. I'm really excited to write little Obito and Kakashi! And next week (if I actually start writing chapter 4, I'm so behind schedule T.T) will be the beginning of Minato and Kurama's war! It's a fight to the death – no, really! Kurama may be a cat in this fic, but he is just as violent as the nine-tails.

Anyways, thanks to everyone who read, followed, favorited, or reviewed! Reviews are always appreciated, and if you have anything from the show New Girl that you want me to include, or really any funny/awkward/sad/etc. situation you want to happen, let me know in a review or pm!

FlowOfEna: Thanks~ Inoichi is a lot of fun to write, even though I'm basing him off of Ino and a character from New Girl lol. People seem to like Kurama – Kushina definitely loves you now, she doesn't get why her boys hate Kura-chan!

Guest: Haha, Kushina isn't _actually_ a virgin, it's just been a very, very, very long time. And she and Minato will start getting ~closer~ soon, but their relationship wouldn't be, well, a relationship without some good, old-fashioned meddling from Jiraiya. Expect Pervy Sage to make an appearance soon!


	4. Awkward

"What the hell, Shikaku?" Minato hissed at his roommate, glancing from the kitchen into the living room where Shikaku's girlfriend, a dark-haired woman named Yoshino, and Minato's three, precious, innocent students stood awkwardly. "I know I didn't give you any warning, but you _have a room_ , Shikaku!"

Shikaku rubbed his neck sheepishly. "It seemed a little fast, to take her to my room. Too troublesome."

Whirlwind Kushina arrived, and she made her presence known by smacking Shikaku upside the head and leaning against Minato's arm. "Shikaku, you can't just feel a girl up on the couch." Her violet eyes narrowed as she pouted at Shikaku. "And Mina-chan, you should really go talk to your students. I think Obito-kun and the quiet one are going to kill each other."

Minato cursed under his breath and – after shaking Kushina off his arm, god, how was she that strong? – darted into the living room. He could hear Shikaku and Kushina arguing quietly, but ignored them in favor of pulling Obito and Kakashi apart. "Obito-kun, Kakashi-kun," he reprimanded. "If you get into another physical fight, I'll have to tell Sarutobi-sensei and you two will get detention again."

Kakashi snorted quietly and looked away. "Isn't this already punishment enough?" He shoved his hands into his pockets and surveyed the room, dark eyes narrowing as he took in the messy living room: a silk, pink robe tossed carelessly over the couch (Inoichi's), Vogue magazines covering the coffee table and spilling onto the floor (Inoichi's), a hair straightener on top of the coffee table (Shikaku's surprisingly, and also probably a fire code violation) and – oh dear, sweet kamisama, was that one of Kushina's porn books?

Minato sighed. "Okay, let's just work on the posters. Sound good?"

"Hai, sensei~" Rin said happily. Obito and Kakashi both nodded – heaven forbid they express interest in anything – and Minato let out a relieved sigh.

"Alright. I've got pens, and poster board, and glitter. Rin, you're in charge. I'll make some food for everyone." Minato turned to walk back to the kitchen, but paused and slowly turned to look at Kakashi. Slate-grey eyes stared back at him balefully. Logically, Minato knew that Kakashi didn't hate him – the grey-haired boy had admitted, begrudgingly, that Minato was actually his favorite teacher – but in that moment, Minato found it hard to believe that Kakashi liked him. If looks could kill indeed…

Minato looked over his shoulder, back into the living room, and was torn between relief and disgust as Shikaku lead his girlfriend back to his room. Ugh. He really, _really_ didn't want Obito to ask what they were doing… Knowing the Uchiha, it's the first thing he would ask. "You alright there, Mina-chan?"

Minato jumped – stupid, so stupid, to forget about Kushina. It seemed like she was always around when he least expected it, and Minato was more than a little embarrassed at how often she caught him off guard. "Yeah, just getting some snacks for the kids." Minato prayed she couldn't hear the tremble in his voice. Even Minato – shy Minato, who blushed whenever Jiraiya even mentioned his "romance" books – noticed how… well, how pretty Kushina was. Her red hair and violet eyes and frankly terrifying temper were all rather endearing. _Oh god_ , Minato thought. _I need help. Psychiatric help. This is the girl who almost broke Choza's nose when he tried to eat her instant ramen last week._ "Right," Minato mumbled, and, after gathering an armful of snacks – and some apples, his kids have to eat right! – staggered back into the living room.

Unfortunately, Kushina followed. She perched on the couch beside Obito, propping her feet up on the coffee table (and on Inoichi's magazine's – that would cause an argument, and it was already giving Minato a headache). This was going to be a very, very long day.

Saturday was, in a word, odd. Minato was eating dinner with Inoichi; this had, unfortunately, become a common occurrence. "So," Kushina said, walking into the kitchen with Kurama in her arms, "I was in the shower with Kurama, and I realized: I should start dating again!"

"Oh god." Inoichi rolled his eyes. "Here we go again…"

Minato raised an eyebrow at Inoichi. "She showers with her cat?" he murmured.

"That's not even the weird part," Inoichi sighed softly. Raising his voice, he said, "Shina, the last time you dated someone, it was a complete disaster! Don't you remember what happened last Christmas?"

Kushina huffed. "Inoichi, the last guy I dated was you!"

That was still surprising. Minato hadn't known at first – although in hindsight, he should have guessed really, Kushina was an attractive, if insane, single woman living with three men, of course she had dated at least one of them. But Inoichi, really? It still didn't make much sense. Why would she date Inoichi when there was another, better blond in the same apartment? – Minato knew, logically, that he hadn't lived with them while Kushina and Inoichi were dating, and that hair color probably wasn't a factor in their relationship, but still. Inoichi? Why?

Sighing, Minato interrupted Inoichi's angry yelling – something about him being the best damn thing to happen to Kushina, would she rather have dated Shikaku? – and addressed Kushina. "It's great that you want to date again, Kushina, but why are you telling us this?"

"Oh. Right. Well, Mikoto-chan got me invited to this party thing tonight, and I need someone to watch Kurama while I'm gone!"

"Hell no!" Inoichi slammed his palms against the table, glaring up at Kushina. "I am not spending one more _second_ with that thing than I need to! I am out! Mina, record Icha Icha for me!" Inochi stood and stormed out of the apartment – leaving his dishes for Minato to do. Again.

"Mina-chan, you'll watch Kurama, won't you?"

Not for the first time, Minato cursed his inability to say no to Kushina. "Of course I will," he promised, staring balefully at the cat. Kurama glared back. There was something _weird_ about that cat. Would it be sacrilegious to ask a priest to perform an exorcism on a cat? Unfortunately, Minato thought it would be.

* * *

Note: I am _so sorry_ it has been like three months since I updated this, and this chapter is not as long or as great as I wanted it to be. I probably won't be updating this story regularly anymore; I'm starting classes soon, and I've been dealing with some health  & family issues, but I will post updates as often as I can, even if they are sporadic! Anyways, drop a review if you feel like it, and thank you for reading! Let me know what you want to see in the next chapter and I will try my best to write it!


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